There's a very specific kind of confusion that hits when you see a positive pregnancy test and immediately realize you have absolutely zero interest in sex. Or, alternatively, when you become inexplicably and intensely interested in sex and have no idea what to do with that information either.

Both are normal. Neither gets talked about enough. And the silence around intimacy during pregnancy is doing a lot of unnecessary damage to a lot of couples.

I sat down with sexologist Anka Grzywacz to pull back the curtain on what actually happens to desire, intimacy, and connection from the first trimester all the way through postpartum — and what to do about it when things get complicated.

Watch the full conversation here.

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First Things First: Your Libido Didn't Disappear. It's Just Overwhelmed.

Let's start with some reassurance in the form of data, because sometimes numbers are more comforting than platitudes.

~60% of pregnant people experience a significant drop in libido at some point. You are not broken.

Anka is clear on this: there is no rulebook for how you're supposed to feel. The first trimester, in particular, tends to be the hardest — your body is working at an almost incomprehensible level behind the scenes, hormones are doing their thing, and exhaustion becomes a personality trait. The idea that you should also be feeling sexy during all of this is, frankly, a lot to ask.

The antidote isn't pressure. It's self-compassion. Your body is building a human. Cut it some slack.

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The Second Trimester "Sexual Boom" Is Real And You Should Absolutely Use It

Here's the part nobody warns you about in the "what to expect" books: the second trimester can be genuinely, surprisingly great. Anka describes it as a "sexual boom" — and the biology actually backs this up.

Hormones start to stabilize. The fog of the first trimester lifts. Increased blood flow to the genitals can lead to heightened arousal and, for some women, entirely new types of orgasmic experience. Many women describe feeling more "voluptuous" and connected to their bodies during this window than they ever have before.

This is not the time to be shy. Explore what's changed. Pay attention to what feels different. Use this as an opportunity to expand your pleasure vocabulary before the third trimester arrives with its own logistical challenges (we see you, center of gravity).

Anka's framing: Pregnancy isn't a pause on your sexuality. For some women, it's a portal into a deeper understanding of it.

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"But Is It Safe?" — Yes, and Your Partner Needs to Hear That Too

One of the most consistent barriers to intimacy during pregnancy is fear — specifically, a partner's fear that physical closeness could somehow hurt the baby. This is extremely common, extremely understandable, and almost always unfounded for a typical, healthy pregnancy.

Anka's practical advice: bring your partner to a medical appointment and let them hear it directly from a professional. There is something about hearing "this is safe" from a doctor that lands differently than reading it in a blog post, however well-written.

Beyond the safety conversation, Anka encourages couples to broaden their definition of intimacy during pregnancy. Physical connection doesn't have to look the same as it did before — energy sharing, intentional touch, deep emotional presence all count. And reclaiming your body as your own — not just a vessel for the baby — is one of the most important mental shifts you can make to keep intimacy alive.

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Postpartum: Don't Wait for Things to "Fix Themselves"

Here is where Anka gets direct in a way I think every new parent needs to hear: the postpartum transition will not sort itself out if you just wait long enough. Intimacy requires active, ongoing tending — especially when your entire life has just been reorganized by a small person who doesn't sleep.

Communication becomes everything here. Not just "are you in the mood" conversations, but real ones — about where you are emotionally, what your body feels like, what you need before you can feel ready. If you're experiencing what Anka calls "sex boredom" or a persistent disconnect from desire, name it. Talk about it. Don't file it under "we'll deal with that eventually."

Anka's benchmark: if intimacy hasn't resumed in a way that feels genuinely good within about a year postpartum, seek support. A sex coach or therapist isn't a last resort — they're someone with the actual tools to help you get back to each other. Use them.

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The Takeaway

Pregnancy and early parenthood are not intimacy emergencies. But they do require you to show up differently — with more patience, more communication, and a lot more willingness to redefine what connection looks like at each stage.

Your desire hasn't left. It's just navigating a lot of change, same as you. The couples who come out of this transition with their intimacy intact aren't the ones who had perfect pregnancies. They're the ones who kept talking.

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✨  Free Resource: Download the Intimacy Reset Guide — a free resource to help you and your partner reconnect and reprioritize during life's biggest transitions.